"Listen... If you can't spot the sucker in your first half-hour at the table, you ARE the sucker."  [either that or I'm stuck in traffic]

Current Ranking: 15th

Poker accomplishments/wins: Like Diana Ross, "I'm Still Waiting"...  

Plays online at: mostly on Pokerstars these days, occasionally at Full Tilt and Empire/Party/Pacific/UB/VC and WH. I have money stashed everywhere online (23 accounts last count) but have forgotten most of my passwords...

Online Aliases: 'Origami Boy' at most of the above

Playing style: Tighter than a ducks fundament and slightly more passive than a large sponge. If I had to be pigeon-holed I think I would fall under 'weak-tight'. Tend to do better when I just don't bother showing up at all.

Most Likely To: Panhandle at the end of the night for bus fare home

Least Likely to: Get his round in before they’ve called ‘time’

Worst 'bad beat': All of my losses (and they are legion) are self-inflicted.

Worst 'bad beat' inflicted: Down to the final three and I'm stealing the blinds with 7-2os when I get looked up by Nick with A-Q. Oops. We peel them off one card at a time - the board comes down 5-5-7-7-7. Magic.

When not playing poker I'm: swearing at Brazilian motorcycle couriers ("Responda seu radio voce muppet!")

If I was a 'Whinging Phil' animal type I'd be a: Donkey. I think Phil must have missed that one out...

Favourite poker pro: Daniel Negreanu & Howard Lederer in equal measure. Oh, and Layne Flack. And Greg Raymer. And Sammy.

Favourite/Lucky Openers: Aces are always nice, and I'm always happy to see small suited connectors and one-gappers. Oh, and of course I just have to play 7-2off. Sorry, it’s in my contract.

Favourite quote/saying: £350 for a new boiler. Fully fitted. Bargain.

Favourite film: Kodak Royal Gold ISO 400 – handles indoor lighting very well, great colour saturation, and for general all around use, it's hard to beat. That, and "School of Rock".

Favourite website: All the ones that require you to enter your credit card details to gain access. I am of course speaking of online poker here. That and Mil Millington's http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/

Favourite biscuit: The humble Rich Tea, and the odd cheeky Gypsy Cream.

Anything else (if you must): Ray Clements used to run down the shops for me Mam when he was little. No, really.

                         - "Behold the power of the Beer Hand!" -